What New Dads Need to Know: Postpartum from a Husband’s Perspective

What New Dads Need to Know: Postpartum from a Husband’s Perspective

When my husband and I found out we were expecting, we were equally excited and nervous. Being the one carrying the child, changes happened everyday over the course of 40 weeks, so by the time the baby arrived I felt relatively prepared to manage a bit more change. But for my husband, change felt more sudden and extreme.

As someone who always orders a medium-rare burger at every restaurant we go to (even Mexican), it was a surprise how gracefully he adapted. I asked him to share the top five things he felt made the transition to fatherhood a bit more manageable, here are his thoughts:

1. Be prepared to do a lot of the household work.Your partner just went through a body-altering experience for the last 40 weeks and was able to bring your beautiful child into this world. It was a lot of work, and her body still continues to change in order to feed and care for your baby. The least you can do is pick up all of the household tasks. Make her meals, bring her snacks, clean up around the house and most importantly – change all of the baby’s diapers.
2. Wake up with your wife during nighttime feedings,even if you don’t need to. Offer to change the baby’s diaper and allow your wife to stay comfortable in bed while she prepares to nurse. My wife had trouble nursing, so I was able to help with some of the nighttime feedings with milk that she pumped. You’ll find your balance, but ultimately just being awake and there to help may help your partner feel more supported.
3. Remember, you are a team.You are both figuring out how to do this whole parenting thing, and in a lot of ways it’s trial and error until you figured out what works best for you and your family. At first, we were very uptight about making sure we were changing her diaper enough, that she was getting the right amount of milk or sleeping enough. We were constantly seeking validation from family members or Google. But as the days went on, we got a lot more confident in our way of parenting. Now, there’s a lot of “what do you think we should do?” And if all else fails, we will still Google.
4. Be confident in how you do things. While you are a team, there will be things that vary from how mom does things to how you do things. It may take you a bit longer to change your baby’s diaper or your outfit choices may be a bit more mismatched, but that’s ok. If the outfit choice is too terrible your wife will fix it anyway.
5. Take care of yourself too.A lot of the focus will be on your wife and the baby, but make sure you are also keeping tabs on how you are feeling. It’s a lot of change and work, so make sure you still prioritize your self-care. Get a quick workout in or take the dogs for a walk if you are able to. Showing up as your best self will help you provide the best support for your wife and baby.

I can attest that my husband was very good at all of these. He took on the brunt of the chores in the beginning and as we found our balance, the transition was a lot smoother than expected. When I look back on those early days as parents, I still feel very thankful for all of the ways he supported me. Being a good dad also means being a good partner, and he did and continues to do both.